Broken Beginnings: Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven:

I started placing my belongings in boxes, amazed at how much I had accumulated in the weeks that I had been in the hospital and Rehab. I had made it through a difficult few weeks and having to face my life in a wheelchair. The reality that I would never walk again was a hard pill to swallow, but I made it through this with G-d’s Help. I’m not alone in this and that has helped, having G-d and my family by my side.

I thought back to the time before the accident, the way Nadia always wanted me to run with her, I had been reluctant at first, now I would give anything to be able to run. I was certain Nadia felt the same way, despite being blind now I had no doubt that she would get back on the track and run again.

“I’m grateful to be going home, but I’m more than a little nervous too, I know that I’ll face a different reality outage of these walks, even in this day and age, not everywhere is accessible. I know that I am going to face challenges and to be honest it’s a little scary, but I can deal with that, I can face it, and I will overcome it, if Bobbe could make it, so can I.” I told Sage.

“I know you are grateful, it is okay to be scared though, I know I would be.”

I nodded, thankful that I had Sage to talk to, having a roommate like her, who had become a friend. Having to go through Rehabilitation for my Spinal Cord Injury was a lot easier with a friend, it was by no means easy, but it was easier.

“Thank you for understanding Sage.” I said.

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“Yes I do.” I said. “You didn’t have to be there for me, and you were.”

“It’s more like you were there for me.” Sage said.

“We were there for each other.” I said.

“Yes we were.”

I reached into my drawer and pulled out a Bible, handing it to Sage. I wanted to give her the gift because I wanted to make sure that she had the word of G-d to turn to if she so choose. I did my best not to push her, but I was praying for her, and believing that Sage would take my words to heart and that she would come to have faith in YHWH.

I took a few moments to spend time with G-d and helping me through this.

John 3 Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)

3 There was a man among the P’rushim, named Nakdimon, who was a ruler of the Judeans. 2 This man came to Yeshua by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know it is from God that you have come as a teacher; for no one can do these miracles you perform unless God is with him.” 3 “Yes, indeed,” Yeshua answered him, “I tell you that unless a person is born again from above, he cannot see the Kingdom of God.”

4 Nakdimon said to him, “How can a grown man be ‘born’? Can he go back into his mother’s womb and be born a second time?” 5 Yeshua answered, “Yes, indeed, I tell you that unless a person is born from water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God. 6 What is born from the flesh is flesh, and what is born from the Spirit is spirit. 7 Stop being amazed at my telling you that you must be born again from above! 8 The wind blows where it wants to, and you hear its sound, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it’s going. That’s how it is with everyone who has been born from the Spirit.”

9 Nakdimon replied, “How can this happen?” 10 Yeshua answered him, “You hold the office of teacher in Isra’el, and you don’t know this? 11 Yes, indeed! I tell you that what we speak about, we know; and what we give evidence of, we have seen; but you people don’t accept our evidence! 12 If you people don’t believe me when I tell you about the things of the world, how will you believe me when I tell you about the things of heaven? 13 No one has gone up into heaven; there is only the one who has come down from heaven, the Son of Man. 14 Just as Moshe lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up; 15 so that everyone who trusts in him may have eternal life.

16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only and unique Son, so that everyone who trusts in him may have eternal life, instead of being utterly destroyed. 17 For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but rather so that through him, the world might be saved. 18 Those who trust in him are not judged; those who do not trust have been judged already, in that they have not trusted in the one who is God’s only and unique Son.

19 “Now this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, but people loved the darkness rather than the light. Why? Because their actions were wicked. 20 For everyone who does evil things hates the light and avoids it, so that his actions won’t be exposed. 21 But everyone who does what is true comes to the light, so that all may see that his actions are accomplished through God.”

22 After this, Yeshua and his talmidim went out into the countryside of Y’hudah, where he stayed awhile with them and immersed people. 23 Yochanan too was immersing at Einayim, near Shalem, because there was plenty of water there; and people kept coming to be immersed. 24 (This was before Yochanan’s imprisonment.)

25 A discussion arose between some of Yochanan’s talmidim and a Judean about ceremonial washing; 26 and they came to Yochanan and said to him, “Rabbi, you know the man who was with you on the other side of the Yarden, the one you spoke about? Well, here he is, immersing; and everyone is going to him!” 27 Yochanan answered, “No one can receive anything unless it has been given to him from Heaven. 28 You yourselves can confirm that I did not say I was the Messiah, but that I have been sent ahead of him. 29 The bridegroom is the one who has the bride; but the bridegroom’s friend, who stands and listens to him, is overjoyed at the sound of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine is now complete. 30 He must become more important, while I become less important.

31 “He who comes from above is above all. He who is from the earth is from the earth and talks from an earthly point of view; he who comes from heaven is above all. 32 He testifies about what he has actually seen and heard, yet no one accepts what he says! 33 Whoever does accept what he says puts his seal on the fact that God is true, 34 because the one whom God sent speaks God’s words. For God does not give him the Spirit in limited degree — 35 the Father loves the Son and has put everything in his hands. 36 Whoever trusts in the Son has eternal life. But whoever disobeys the Son will not see that life but remains subject to God’s wrath.

“Maybe I’ll find the Faith you have.” Sage told me.

“You’ll find your own Faith, you’ll come to know YHWH on a personal level, and that’s what truly matters.”

“I will take your word on that.” Sage said, pulling herself into a seated position, something she had not been able to do just a couple of weeks prior. She was getting stronger and I was thankful for that.

“You’re getting stronger.” I said. “You’ll be getting out of this place before long, you’ll be leaving here yourself.”

“I want to leave here, but at the same time I am frightened.”

“I understand that, I am scared too.” I said. “Our lives have changed since before, there is no denying that.”

I once again began putting stuff into boxes, making sure that everything was placed neatly, not wanting to bend any of the pictures that I had placed, Mother had brought me many of Naomi and I so I would feel at home, but sometimes it is hard to look at them, I found myself staring at one of Nadia and I running into a charity race.

“I didn’t know you were a runner before.”

“I really wasn’t, it was more Naomi’s thing, but I miss it now, I didn’t realize I would miss it so much.”

“It was a part of your life for a long time, you are always the one telling me it is important to allow yourself to grieve over the things you lost.”

I nodded, agreeing because she had made a valid point. I needed to allow myself to grieve just as I had encouraged Sage to allow herself to grieve.

I quietly stared at the picture, allowing the tears to freely fall from my eyes. I had not really been allowing myself to grieve, to let this whole reality sin in.

“You don’t really realize how much you are going to miss things until you are no longer able to do them.”

“I know.” Sage said quietly, “Sometimes it’s the little things you miss the most.”

I knew from experience that was true. I missed the feel of the ground beneath my feet, of damp grass between my toes. I missed the feel of the cold floor beneath my feet when I woke up in the morning. There were a lot of little things that I missed and I found myself thinking about the little things that I had once taken for granted.

Thank you G-d for letting me get this far, thank you that I am going home today, as scary as it is, I’m grateful.

“Guess what?” I heard, a soft familiar voice ask.

“What?” I asked, smiling to see that Sage had made it to say goodbye.

“I’m going home too.” I saw Nadia’s face light up for the first time in a long time. She looked genuinely happy, and it made me happy to see her happy.

“That’s awesome.” I said. “I’d like you to meet Sage.” I said, directing Nadia to Sage’s direction.

“It’s nice to meet you Sage.” Nadia said politely, not really knowing what else to say. She gripped her white cane tightly, at first she had wanted know part of that cane, the reminder that her sight was taken by some strange madman, but she had come to realize that cane allowed more freedom?”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Sage said, sounding a little uncomfortable. She had not really met Nadia before this, she’d only heard me talk about Nadia, she knew she had been in the car when we were intentionally ran off the road. She knew too that Nadia was my best friend and she had trouble adjusting to the fact that she was kind, blind because one man was only out to hurt others, he had no concern about anyone but himself.

“I’m really glad you are going home too.” I said. Nadia and I both had come a long way since we were first rushed to the hospital, no one sure whether either one of us would make it, but I had felt sure, because G-d had told me it was not my time to go, that G-d had a plan for me and I was thankful for that.

“I’m glad we are able to celebrate this together.”

“I am too.” I said.

“I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without your support.”

“Nor could I have made it through this without you.” I told Nadia.

“I kept thinking about Bobbe, and she gave me strength too.”

“Nadia, Bobbe would be proud of you, she thought of you as a Granddaughter as well.”

“She was amazing. But I don’t think she would have been afraid as I am.”

“Nadia she had her fears too, she just didn’t let them define her, it’s okay to be afraid things have drastically changed.”

“I know.” Nadia said sadly. “And I am afraid of what my life will be like, when I get home, I’m blind now.”

“I know.” I said. “I wish I could change that for you.”

“Naomi I hope you realize that you aren’t to blame for any of this, I never blamed you and I don’t want you to blame yourself either.” Nadia said.

“I know you never blamed me, but if we hadn’t left to go to that party this wouldn’t have happened, we wouldn’t be here.”

“Naomi the only one to blame is the man who ran us off the road. We were simply trying to have fun, we weren’t drinking, we never even made it to the party, we almost died that night, and the only one to blame is the madman who intentionally ran us off the road.”

“I know.” I said. “I just wish things had been different.”

“I do too Naomi.” Nadia said. “But none of this is your fault. You weren’t the one who ran us off the road.”

“I know.” I said. “I just wish I could have done something to stop it.”

“It happened so fast Naomi, you didn’t have time to do anything.”

“I know.” I said softly, I knew that I still needed to work on letting go of the guilt I had been holding on to, I knew deep down this was not my fault, but I continued to bear myself up over wanting to go and have fun that night, wanting to meet with other college kids. Neither Nadia or I drank because we had watch how alcohol had destroyed the lives of one of our friends from High-School her Father had nearly been killed by alcohol and we had watched him humiliate his daughter time and time again, we realized then what alcohol could do to a person and we had both vowed not to drink.

Mother soon cane back into the room, followed by doctors and therapists who were signing my release papers, reminding me to be careful for pressure sores. I knew of the dangers by now and was careful to shift my weight often, I did that even at night, as much effort it took, I knew in the wrong run that I would be grateful, because it meant I would be far less likely to deal with pressure sores, that could easily land me back in the hospital, and that was far from something I wanted to do. I wanted to stay away from the hospital other than for my Physical therapy appointments and for visiting Sage, but I was certainly going to do my best to avoid going back as an impatient. I had spent enough time in the hospital to last me several lifetimes.

“We’re ready now.” Mother said. “I’ve talked to your doctors after you gave me the okay Sage, and there is no reason why you can’t come and spend time at your place. If you are up to it, maybe Naomi and I could come and get you.”

“I would like that.” Sage said softly. “But you don’t need to feel like you have to.”

“We want to Sage.” I assured her.

Sage nodded, still afraid to get her hopes up.

“What if it’s to much work, I still need a lot more help then you, you are far more independent than I am.”

“Sage, we want to do this, your my friend, I will be here for you.”

“When she says something like that, she doesn’t say it lightly.” Nadia said softly. “Allow her to help you, to be your friend and if you would let me, I would like to be your friend as well.”

“I would like that.” Sage said softly.

“Thank you.” Nadia said, following the sound of Naomi’s voice.”

“We will see you Friday.” I told Sage. “And probably before then I have Physical Therapy on Monday, and Wednesday.”

“I’ll look forward to seeing you.” Sage said softly.

I saw that Sage was fighting back the tears, that she was trying hard not to break down. I wanted her to be able to believe that we were going to keep our words, that we truly meant it. when we said we wanted to help Sage through this.

“Naomi is your Sage going to be okay?” Nadia asked, genuine concerned filled her voice.

“I honestly don’t know, she’s been through a lot, and her Mother won’t even come to visit her.” I said, as Nadia settled into the car, followed by me, both of our Mothers in the front seat of our small SUV. I needed help getting into the car, but I knew that our parents wanted us to go home together, just as we had come into the hospital together, our lives forever changed.

“What’s the sky like today Naomi?” Sage asked quietly.

“It’s beautiful today, only a few cotton candy clouds in the sky. The trees leaves are starting to fall, despite the warmer weather we’ve been having.”

“Thank you.” Nadia said, reaching for my hand, and squeezing it. “I sometimes wake up scared, forgetting for a moment that rubbing the sleep from my eyes is not going to change anything, that I am blind.”

“Sometimes I forget too, I wake up, forgetting that half of my body no longer works as it should, and then I’m forced with the realization that I am paralyzed from the waist down.”